And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
