Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
