just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
