I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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