Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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