The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
