my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
