My liver just broke up with me...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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