So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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