I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
