6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
