i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
