Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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