There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
