White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
