my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
