if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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