wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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