...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
