Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
