I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i need some magic done to my vagina
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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