Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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