i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
