walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
