Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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