Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
