well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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