if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
