I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize