I accidentally had phone sex last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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