please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize