Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
