You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
