i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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