R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
