Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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