Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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