we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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