Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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