I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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