I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
