"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
