I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
