ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
