can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
