yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
