Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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