Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize