so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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