her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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