Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
a search helicopter?!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
