I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
