I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
