you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
