I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
