i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
