trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
