Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
