oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
