We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
