Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
