I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
