My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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