oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im holly from the hills drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He shit in the fireplace
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
