he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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