We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
BRING THE BAGELS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
