Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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