dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
