my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Two words: blizzard sex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
