I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
