so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
